I came across this last weekend. It was something that I wrote around 1997 for a web page. Hope you guys can relate.
4X4 Addiction: Why would anybody want an old beat 4X4?
There are a lot good reasons why. First of all, if you are really going to use your 4X4 then it would be sensless to pay $35,000 for something to hammer on. The whole idea is to have fun when you go out wheeling. It’s not too much fun when you are worried about mud in your interior and insurance claims.
Besides there is a lot more to it than the wheeling part.You have the search for the trucks. The research about them. The planning of your build up. The trips to the junk yards to find that one genuine part you can’t live without. The gathering of beer and buddies in garages at night. The satisfaction of making your own beast from a pile of junk. The planning of wheeling trips. The thrill of watching the UPS dude struggle with the heavy boxes of parts that you ordered. Jeeshh…It’s endless.
As you can see, if you just want a pretty truck to pick up girls then you should probably have a new rig with all kinds of add-ons that you paid someone to install. But if you really like the wheeling scene then an older truck will be your choice.
Just incase you are one of those guys that ownes stock in armor-all or you’ve never built a wheeling rig I’ll explain the addiction to old 4X4’s
First your thinking all the time about trucks, rubbernecking at every one you see that might be real and talking trash about every show and shine rig that goes by. Whenever you see one for sale on the side of the road you have to pull over, back up, risk life and limb with oncoming cars just to go open the hood or get all dirty crawling around underneath it regardless of whether or not you want it. You see, you won’t be able to help this because you are addicted!
Then when you realize that there is a particular year and make that is your all time favorite you will have to have one someday. Before you know it you are saving 4x4 magazine articles for future reference, buying auto hunter magazines to see what’s out there for sale and for what price, driving around on back roads looking for one somebody told you that they saw and it looked like you could buy it cheap. When you decide you need one you will be obsessed with the search.
Then it happens. Out of the blue when you have all but given up you find a rig that you gotta have. You spend three times as long looking at it as you normally do looking at rigs. You go back several times and paw the truck over loooking at every part on it. You will know this is the one because you will be able to picture the end results of a build up, know exactly how it will perform, and about what it will cost to get it there. And don’t forget this is for a truck that somebody doesn’t want anymore! Out come the old 4X4 magazines. On goes the computer to find out every bit of information on the rig. Before you even make an offer on it you will probably know more about the truck then the person selling it.
Well you bought it! No matter the price it was a good deal to you. This is where you find out how truthful the seller was. If it runs and how good? Can you get it home? How long has it been sitting there?
Ahhhh, now you gotta start thinking about getting it home. You can hardly wait for the weekend to get here. The tool box is ready along with jumper cables, starting fluid, air tank to fill the flat tires, and just about everything else in your garage. You have thought about the route you are going to take to get it home. If you were lucky enough to get to the Dept. of Motor Vehicles then it is legal. But if you didn’t a little paper plate isn’t going to stand between you and your new purchase.
Well you’re off in your buddy’s rig. You think this is cheaper then a wrecker but think about it. He’s been out drinking all night and is real hungry so you stop to eat and of course you buy. His truck has two empty gas tanks, so you buy him some gas while your getting 5 gallons for the new rig. Oh what the heck, might as well pay for his butts too. It’s only been 5 miles and you are already out over $100! Then you realize he still owes you $50. You don’t care though, you’re on your way.
Finally you pull into where the relic is. Pay the guy. And begin work. After an hour or so it’s ready to roll. You can barely hear the engine over the rotted exhaust, it’s dirty and smelly inside and you have the feeling that rigor mortis has set into it. Here we go, you grind it into gear. Not any black flies around now! Down the road shaking and rattling your off to the nearest gas station. Hopefully it makes it all the way home. This is way more fun than coming home from a new car dealer.
Finally your home and in the garage. Crack a beer and begin to really look it over good. Funny how the more beer you drink the better it ran on the way home when somebody shows up. After a case of beer you’re ready to take it out wheeling! That’s why you gotta start taking apart as soon as you get home. Any real guy will tell you that leaning on the back of a truck drinking beer is far better then sitting at a bar drinking a beer. When you got your project truck in the garage there is sure to be somebody stopping by. There is an unwritten rule as far as hanging out in garages goes. Never show up without beer. This is why you hear of people building trucks for years. It’s all part of the fun of old 4X4’s. You can’t have this much fun at a dealership!
Now it’s torn apart taking up all the room in one bay of your garage. You know every part of it, broken and rebuildable. Time to start the parts search. You will be spending a lot of money so some parts have to be from a boneyard or parts rig. A junkyard is like a candy shop to somebody that has an old rig. You’re surrounded by other trucks of the same vintage as yours. I know I always walk out with more then I went in for. Usually can barter with beer too!
Time to think back to the other rigs that you had. What was it that broke and you ended up fixing in the mud? What parts where a waste of money? This is easy if you can’t remember, just go look at a show and shine truck. Out come the magazines and on goes the computer again! You’ve got to find the latest upgrades and prices. Now the planning for the build up should be done.
A big pile of used and new parts is starting to take over the remaining bay in your garage. The UPS guy hates your *#@$%&* guts! The local beer store is stocking up because they know all your buddies will be stopping by on their way to your house. And your wife is looking for those divorce papers again. Painstakingly every part is cleaned and assembly process begins. Things don’t always go right though. Some nights are better for drinking beer then for turning wrenches. For the most part you’ll be out there every minute you can spare by yourself getting a fix for your addiction!
Eventually it’s done. Floors like new, bodywork complete, drivetrain in and tough as nails, lifted just the right amount, engine making just the right power for wheeling, and ready for the first wheeling trip. All the guys come over for the final inspection. They aren’t surprised to see that you spent $0.00 on chrome goodies for the beast. A couple of beers later and you now have the toughest 4X4 ever built!
Then it’s mentioned! “Saturday morning 6:00 am at the usual meeting spot”. Which would be the local resturaunt for a big breakfast followed by a day in the woods. They want to see if it will really keep up. Your confident but a little nervous so the rest of the week is spent checking every nut and bolt. Friday night you will hardly sleep…even the wife is excited now!
6:00 am Saturday morning the parking lot of the resturaunt is looking like a small 4X4 jamboree. Everybody is on time, feeding those hangovers. All of them taking turns giving you crap about your truck. Then all of a sudden it sounds like the start of a Winston Cup race. Built motors with loud exhaust fire up and roll out heading for the meanest trails around. Your rig keeps up all day. Not a problem with anything. It took all the abuse you gave it. You’ve earned the respect of your fellow wheelers and so has your rig.
On the way home you think back to all the nights in your garage, all the money that went into this 4X4, all the nagging from your wife, and you can’t believe that you finally got it done. Then all of a sudden your heart stops for a second…..You look at your wife…..Lock up the brakes…..And say to her…..“Did you see that old truck beside that barn?”
Over the years of wheeling that we did I learned a few lessons.
Unmistakable ways to tell if you're in trouble wheeling
(http://www.suitorsgarage.com/garage/jeeproll.jpg)
If the guys running 44" Super Swampers are wishing they had a little more tire and you're running 33's.
If your 44's are in 40" of mud and you chose to keep the 6 cyl. in your rig.
If you think that something is wrong with the door because you can't open it to get out and hook up the tow strap.
If you have 15' to stop at the top of the hill and your motor is turning 6000 RPM......... 10' from the top.
You're in trouble when an environmentalist hikes by.........and asks you if you would like him to call for help.
If the broken driveshaft hurts your foot when it hits the floorboards.
If you need 50' of strap, have it, but got no other truck to pull you out.
If you've just found out at what RPM your valve train will float.
If you rip your muffler off, look in the mirror, and see......... a header attached to it.
If it's possible to add oil to your engine......... through the drain plug in the oil pan.
If you've used all the bar and chain oil that you've got......... for your transmission.
If anybody has left to get you something off a parts rig......... in another town.
If you're happy because you have another transfer-case at home.........like the one you just destroyed.
If you realize that you're radio isn't loud enough.........to hide the rod knock.