Author Topic: Headlines from 2029  (Read 3868 times)

Offline Blazin

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Headlines from 2029
« on: May 07, 2009, 09:44:46 am »
Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia, formerly known as California

White minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia's third language.

Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and livestock.

Baby conceived naturally! Scientists stumped

Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.

Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.

France pleads for global help after being taken over by Jamaica . No other country comes forward to help the beleaguered nation!

Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.

George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.

Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.

85-year $75.8 billion study: Diet and exercise is the key to weight loss.

Average weight of Americans drops to
250 lbs.

Global cooling blamed for citrus crop failure for third consecutive year in Mexifornia and Floruba.

Abortion clinics now available in every
High School in United States ..

Senate still blocking drilling in ANWR even though gas is selling for 4532 Pesos per liter and gas stations are only open on Tuesdays and Fridays.

Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.

Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.

Average height of NBA players is now nine feet, seven inches.

New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2030.

IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.

Floruba voters still having trouble with voting machines.


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It's The Government That Scares Me!
Some people are like Slinkies. Not really good for anything, but they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs

Offline frogman68

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Re: Headlines from 2029
« Reply #1 on: May 07, 2009, 09:47:08 am »
LOL

I need to steal this for another forum :)

Offline Skunksmash

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Re: Headlines from 2029
« Reply #2 on: May 07, 2009, 05:21:13 pm »
Let em ban all smoking. Wait no we need to decrease the population. Make cigaretts way cheaper and tax free.

Offline The dream

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Re: Headlines from 2029
« Reply #3 on: May 09, 2009, 11:44:50 am »
have you guys heard about top notch world wide organizations that want to decrease the population by putting stuff in our foods and vaccines? killing the population slowly by dispersing cancer with this?
Never give up.

Offline exilous

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Re: Headlines from 2029
« Reply #4 on: May 17, 2009, 05:44:36 pm »
what are you talking about? killing people off

Offline Lt.Del

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Re: Headlines from 2029
« Reply #5 on: May 17, 2009, 08:29:50 pm »
Quote
top notch world wide organizations that want to decrease the population by putting stuff in our foods and vaccines? killing the population slowly by dispersing cancer with this?

There are plenty of factors that contribute to population declines.

If there were not 618,000 casualties in the Civil War 140 yrs ago, do you know what the U.S. population would be?  My guess, well over the current 300 million in U.S. population--more like 450 million.

If WWI or WWII did not occur, do you know how much more human population would exist in the world?

Or even further back, the Crusades took out hundreds of thousands, which would translate today, arguably to billions in current population.

Ah, the plagues throughout history, killing off nearly 50% of certain populations as far back as the 16th century, would translate to billions in would-be current world population.

Since wars really don't kill that many in comparison nowadays, the next population reduction will either be another plague, or quite likely starvation and famine--because the earth can only support so many humans. 

Or, will another meteorite, like the one 65 million years ago, have something to say about the human population?  Ah, but wait, Dec. 21st, 2012 (Mayan Doomsday) is fast approaching.  Some say the Earth's poles will reverse causing catastrophes we haven't seen as a species yet.

Stay tuned.....


The Cockroach Times headlines of 2029 "The Humans Thought They Were So Smart, HA! They've been gone for 17 years" 

Offline 78 Chevyrado

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Re: Headlines from 2029
« Reply #6 on: May 17, 2009, 09:37:28 pm »
That would suck, then nobody would be around to keep my truck waxed ;D
Kenny

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