I need a prayer.

[team39763]

My dad just passed away a week ago.  I'd been in denial the whole time up until the funeral.  I didn't want to go to the viewing, but I went anyway.  I couldn't bring myself to look at my dad, so I sat in the back and watched the slideshow they put on.  I'd avoided an emotional breakdown until that moment.  I went running out and nearly made it out of the building before I started crying.  It's just so hard to believe that I'll never talk to him, see him, or be around him again.  I loved my dad so much...he was my super hero.  Even to this day, I still want to be just like him in almost every way.  Another thing that really burns me up inside is the fact that he was such a good guy.  He had his flaws like the rest of us, but overall, he was a great guy...people really liked him.  I feel like he was taken too soon, he was only 47, but on the other hand God knows what He's doing.
  One thing I'm grateful for is that I got to talk to him a week before he died.  We talked about old times, old memories and plans for the future.  We talked and laughed, he talked to my daughter and we had a good time.  I pretty much got to tell him everything I wanted to tell him.  I told him how much he meant to me and how much we loved him.  Another thing I'm thankful for is that he found God recently(within the last couple years).  He became very spiritual and I have no doubts that he was saved.  At his funeral, we learned that he had been attending a small church for a while and was a very loved member.
   One thing that really burns me up inside is the way my brother ended things with him.  My dad and brother had been in conflict for the past 6+ months and weren't talking.  The issue between them was so minor and so stupid...actually, it was my brother who had the issue.  My dad tried many times to call my brother and reach out to him, but my brother refused to answer his calls.  My brother talked trash about my dad all the time - he needs to be a man and apologize...he needs to come see me man to man...he needs to come over, drink some beer and discuss things like a man - those were just some of his comments.  My Dad was very sick with multiple cancers and paralyzed majority of the time my brother was talking this mess.  My mom and brother wished death upon my dad 'til the day he died.  After my dad died, my brother started acting like he was "Super Son"...only because he was told he might be getting some money.  It really makes me mad, but I'm not the type to confront people about stuff.  I kinda feel like a coward because I haven't confronted them.  I was really ticked off at the funeral because my mom was talking trash about my dad during the viewing and my brother was running around like a jackass.  My brother's only concern at the viewing was that he himself looked better than everybody else.
  The rest of the family seems to be torn over whatever money/property might be left behind.  People are acting different and saying things that they wouldn't normally say.  It's really shocking.  I'm not usually family oriented, but now I'm really feeling like isolating myself from them.  There's so much tension in the air right now.  I'm almost to the point of changing my number and moving somewhere just to avoid being caught up in ugly situations.  I know I need family in my time of grieving, but my wife and daughter are the only things that make me feel better during this time.  I'm sorry about posting all this babbling, I just needed to vent and get it off my chest.  I don't have any friends in this town, so online was the only place I could let it all out.

[Chevalade]

Let er rip....I was 17 when my brother was killed. It ain't easy, but it gets better with time. Remember it isn't your fault and there was nothing you could do to keep him around longer.

[Novadiecast]

Hey team, You seam like you have a very good head on your shoulders. I went through the same thing a couple of years ago with my grandmother. I took care of her for over ten years and everyone was right there at the end with their hand out. Money is the root of all evils. Hopefully your Dad had a will and things will kind of take care of itself. Keep your head up and remember the good times you had with Dad. He sounds like a super Dad compared to most now a days. It will hurt forever but do the best you can. My Grandmother was the best person in the world to me and I miss her everyday. You have to go on for your wife and daughter. They will support you through all of this and we will to!! I will have prayer for you and your father and hope the situation improves for you. Regards, Chris

[zieg85]

I have a feeling it may be the same with my brother and I when it is time for my dad.  I know how he was when my mom passed 13 years ago and when my Dad found a perfect soul mate and got married.  Instead of being happy for him he got all bent out of shape.  I'll be praying for you, your Dad was saved which makes all the difference.  Look to God for strength and he will comfort you in your time of need.  I couldn't imagine my life without Jesus, gives you a different perspective when looking at worldly events and dealing with unsaved family members.  It will get better with time.  God Bless, Carl  

[eventhorizon66]

My father died when I was 14.  I was being a real jerk to him the day he died; giving him the silent-treatment over some minor thing I can't remember now.  It bothers me to this day that that's how thing ended between us.  You are very fortunate to have had a good father that you looked up to and admired, and to know that he knew he was loved and admired before he died.  And even though you can't make any new memories with him, you can cherish the ones you do have.

[choptop]

I went thru the same thing with my Grandad just a few years ago. He was put in a nursing home at his choice because he didnt want to be a burden on anybody. He and my mom had gotten into a disagreement right before my grandma passed, and she didnt talk to him but once or twice in the remaining 10 years of his life. While he was in the nursing home, myself, my wife and daughter, his barber and a close family friend that took care of him and my grandma when she was alive, were the only ones to see him in the home. But, at his funeral, there were many people who hadnt seen him in many, many years. Most of them had one question in mind "When are they reading the will?" To know me and how I felt about my grandpa is to know that it took every ounce of control I had not to start ripping some heads off. My grandpa was the main father figure I had. At one time in my life, it wouldnt have been a pretty site. I, too, had given my problems to God, and that is what changed my way of thinking.About a year or so before I married my wife, I was known for a bad, and violent temper to anyone who crossed the line, even a little bit. Their selfishness will be theirs to answer for, not yours. You will be in our prayers, this I promise. Funerals seem to bring out the worst in people. Your mind is on the right track, so hang in there, the pain will pass. I have also found that friends ( in person or online) are most of the time better family members than real blood relatives. God Bless you and your family.

[team39763]

Thanks for the encouraging words guys.  I really appreciate it.

[fiyaweed06]

im praying for ya! man

[VileZambonie]

You can't change the fact that people will act in a certain way nor can you expect people to think like you do. You have your feelings and you sound mostly right however they have their feelings and point of view for their own reasons. I know this because of the relationship I've had with my father. He made my life pure heck and then was absent leaving many scars behind. Just recently he tried to make some sort of amends and while my two sisters have their point of views along with my mother the way I think and feel is very disturbing to them. I was beaten, belittled, and put down my whole life by him and now he recognizes I'm a self made man and sees how he screwed up so bad. Part of me wants to beat his ass into the hospital, part of me wants to ignore him and part of me wants to hug him and say take me fishing dad. Nevertheless you had a good ending and relationship with him and the bottom line is that is all that matters. God, family, and everything else matters very little over what you hold inside yourself as to how you feel about him. If your family and brother and everyone else is in it for his estate, so be it. If you feel like being vocal then be vocal rather than wishing you were and never saying anything at all. It's speak now or never in my opinion or you will be more resentful. Let them know how you feel and learn how to let your emotions out especially to your family. I am sorry for your loss.

[bmaier]

My dad is my hero too, thankfully I still have him around, almost lost him earlier this week though. Anyways its the same way with me and brother...he talks bad about my dad but dad loves him and tries to make things right. My brother doesn't see the big picture, but thats a whole 'nother story. Sorry to hear about your loss Team and my thoughts and prayers to you.

[Lt.Del]

Keep your head up and as long as you remember, he is not gone---you know part of you is him, and he lives on.

I was at my parents' house the other night, the house I grew up in, and we were sittin at the dinner table and I was correcting my son (4 yrs old) about a few things and I didn't care one bit that everything I said was a repeat of over 30 years ago by the man who was sittin to my left. Nearly everything I said to my son was a direct quote from my old man correcting me.  He is nearly 70 now and still gets around very well and we can nearly read each other's mind, like that same night I was trying to start the ATV for the first time this season which sits over at their house and it wouldn't start.  I was getting ready for a trip to West Va and the ATV trails for later this week.  We both were looking at the same thing, checking for spark, checking for fuel, etc... trying to diagnose the problem.  it reminded me when I was a teenager and working on the old mustang.  We both work so well together and respect each other's input and knowledge. I brought that ATV to my house to work on it and last night I took the float and needle out of the carb and the needle, as my hunch was, stuck from the old gas not allowing gas to enter the carb.  I tore the carb apart and fixed it and the first person I called to tell was the old man--i called his cell phone and put mine near the exhaust pipe so he could hear it purr. 

Team, what you said about your dad are the exact words I would love to tell my dad and the first thought I had was to print out what you typed and throw that in a card for father's day for the old man.  Your words were well put and nicely said.  I am sure he was proud of you and remains so looking over your family now.  That's all a father could ask for, to be proud of his kid.

If I had to leave this earth tomorrow I will be fine with that for I know my son will grow into a person to be proud of--everyone already is talking about how well-mannered he is for a 4 yr old and does what you tell him.  I can't help but to give credit to my dad for giving me the knowledge to be a good father. 

I am sorry your old man died at 47, but, there is a reason for everything, even though we don't know what those reasons are yet--we don't know what the big plan is.

It seems there is a pattern of siblings not sharing similar opinions about their old man.  I guess the family group is representative of other populations--many have different opinions.  My brother, simply put, is a meat head.  My dad and he cannot get along for anything.  Yet, my dad will and does bend over backwards for anyone to help them out.  I know there will be problems when my dad does go, because both my brother and I love the river house he has and spends a lot of time at.  Knowing my brother, he'll probably move into that house even though he will only own 50% of it---it's a nice place right on the Chesapeake Bay--a great escape, but, I know already there will be problems later down the road.  It is a shame.

Team, you are a smart fellow.  That doesn't mean there wont be pain.  It's a shame that the more you love someone, the more the pain there will be.  Pass on what you have learned from your old man to the next generation and you can't go wrong. 

[team39763]

You're right Vile, I can't control how they feel or what they do.  It just really sucks to hear them wishing death on my dad and hating him and being so evil to him.  Then at the same time they are expecting something from him like he owed them and acting like they really deserve it.  I understand that they have thier own reasons for the way they feel, but I just wish...well...I don't know what exactly I wish.  I guess it's just painful to know that they don't care that he's gone.  
You're right it's now or never....my choice is never.  As much as I hate what they say/do, I love them too much to start any problems between us.

SgtDel and bmaier: sounds like we have similar siblings.  And yes I will surely pass on my life lessons to the next generation.

[78 Chevyrado]

One prayer sent your way      I have a sister sort of like your brother.  She tries so hard to make people think she's truly good that people think the opposite.  And she's greedy too, only wants to know what she can get and won't help anyone out unless she gets some $$$ in return.   heck, I keep my grandads house and everything involved running and in good shape and have NEVER charged him one cent, unless it was for parts or something that I couldn't afford.  My sister used to clean his house, but always charged $20 an hour and didn't show up half the time.  She's pulled some new crap at the end of '08 to where shes no longer welcome around me, my mom and my dad.   To get to my point, while it bothers me what she and a few other family members do, to me my main problem is that at times it seems like the whole family is going to pot and I hate the people who cause it, for it.   
 Grandmother and grandad do have money, on both sides of the family.  Now with that said one grandparent on both sides has died and on both sides a bunch of "family" members started trying to divide up the leftover property and had already started squabbaling over it.  Well here's the problem, on both sides one of my grandparents is still alive, so as I see it, one's still alive so they get to keep EVERYTHING, no question.  however not everybody thinks that way and that bothers me a heck of a lot.  I popped my sister a good one, because grandmother had this nice ring my sister always wanted and she found out they were burying grandmother with it and she had the balls to ask grandad if she could have it instead.  I lost it that time and put my hands on her, once I saw grandads face.  But she's one of those people, and weather they're family or not I don't have to associate with those people and I don't.

You just have to decide if they did something you can forgive.  if you can really forgive them go forward, if you can't, there's no real point in going forward until you can.  But I would make it known how you feel about all this.  Confrontation sucks, but it's needed and can help a lot sometimes.


Good luck!

[73micrys83]

Team, my father passed away 19 years ago...he was 48, I was 24 and a Corporal in the Marines at the time...I still miss him like heck and reading your post made me feel that pain all over again...and that's a wonderful thing! Like SgtDel said, "the more you love someone the worse the pain is". I'm sure we're all praying for you and your family. God bless you in your time of grief! I feel there is nothing you can do about your brother and his situation, but no one can ever take your memories and love for your father! Believe me, the pain never goes away, but it sure makes you cherish him all that much more...Now that I'm bawlin' like a baby, I'm gonna go have a beer with Pops at the cemetary! 

[team39763]

Thanks guys...ya'll really have made me feel better.
  What exactly happens with the will?  Like does a lawyer contact you or something?  How do I know what was intended for me?  I saw one version of the will, and 2 things were left to me...a very nice ring that's been in the family for years, and my parents van.  Both items are missing.  The ring went missing when my father died, and the van was taken by some local thugs that claimed to be my dad's kids.  I don't plan to make a fuss over it, I was just wondering who has authority over the property until it's given out.