I need a prayer.

[choptop]

When they did my grandads will, it was the lawyer, and the appointed executer of the will who had control over things. I didnt really care what I got, or even if I got anything. I was concerned that the wishes of my grandad in his will were met. Pictures were worth more to me than anything else. This is the hard part. Find out who is the executer of the will, and check your options. Also make sure the lawyer is doing his job. I have seen them milk an estated more than once because the family thinks it just takes so much work. My grandad had a good lawyer who tried to get him to do things before he passed to help the familyget more of the estate, but grandpa didnt understand what he was saying, and ignored him. The government got alot of grandpas money because if it. It took longer to get his stocks, bonds, etc consolidated than it took to actually do the will. If he doesnt have alot of investments, then it shouldnt take too long. If he gave it to you in his will, I would be making sure his wishes were fulfilled. He had a reason. Prayer over this will help, and Ive got your back here.

[JRConnieK10]

I'm really sorry to hear about your loss. Thoughts and prayers are with you. It is amazing to me that when some one passes people turn into vultures. I hate that greed in people. My wife's stepfather passed several years ago and some on his family members who had never been around swoopped in and tried to take all his stuff he use to make these things for the yard like lawn ornaments they were in my yard because he lived with us and these people who I didn't even really know said they had to have these things even his cloths and stuff. It was so stupid in my opinion. I always think that they will get thiers in the long run. "God dosen't like ugly" thats what always think.

[SUX2BU99]

I'm sorry for your loss, dude. I have what I hope to be a couple of things to help you with your grief and feelings of hurt and pain from losing a dad. My dad died in 1998 when he was only 54 and I was 23. He was diagnosed with cancer in Dec. 1997 (after months of nagging leg pain that his doctor dismissed....) and was gone July 14, 1998. Anyway, it's great that he found God and that you have belief in God too. What can ease the pain is this, and this is what I said in a eulogy I gave at my dad's funeral:

It's not goodbye, Dad. It's see you later.

Man, I'm welling up already just typing that. I said this to him too when he was in Palative Care at the hospital. He was in a drug-induced state of semi-comatos from having just had a stroke and the pain of the cancer. I had a moment alone with him in the room when everybody else left and I said to him "Dad, if you gotta go, you gotta go. And it's not goodbye, it's I'll see you later." That helped infinitely with trying to deal with his death. That was on a Friday and he died the next Tuesday. I was so glad I could say that too him. I'm sure he heard me. There was a moment earlier where he came out of his state and knew I was there and tried to talk to me. It was only for a few seconds, but I knew he could hear us. Anyway, maybe that'll help you.

If you can even use just that to seek out a life living for God. That doesn't mean you have to become a preacher, but living a life with God in it can be amazing. That part right there about knowing you can see him later might be all the reason you need.

The other part about keeping your dad's good memory alive is wanting your daughter (I have one too, she's 3) to think of you when you're gone as lovingly as you do about your dad. So keep that in mind when you are trying to instill words of wisdom and being loving but firm when you need to be. She'll know later on in life what a role model you were trying to be. More often than not, women marry men that were like their father so you obviously want that man to be a good man, just like she wants her father to be.

As for your family, that just adds fuel to the fire. Don't let them tarnish your memory of your dad, but accept the fact that you can't change what they think or feel, so don't get caught up in it. Make it known it's not okay for them to talk about him negatively in your presence but that's all you can reasonably do.

That's awesome you were able to say those things with your dad while he was still here. My dad was a good guy with a good heart, but didn't show it all that much or was too vocal about it. He was raised that way. As I became an adult I tried more to know about him and what he did for a living and such but it was somewhat hard when you live 1000 miles apart. After he became sick, I travelled to see him about once a month. We still didn't get into very emotional conversations but even just watching TV together, we were spending time together. I wish we had more talks though. My brother is more emotionally inward than I am and I think he's still bent that my dad died but he isn't very close to God so I don't think he has any mechanism for dealing with it other than anger and hurt.

I didn't get a whole lot of anything when my dad died and thankfully for my own sanity I wasn't expecting or wanting a lot. I got to take some of his clothes and jewellry which is fine, as they were personal things of his. But his 2nd wife of 10 years got whatever insurance he had and she was living with somebody else within a year and her kids got their travel trailer and such. I dont' even think about it nowadays. I just miss him but feel better I'll see him later.

My dad's sisters (2 of the 3) apparently have suggested that after my grandmother passes my brother and I, and my dad's brothers kids (he died in 1984) shouldn't get anything in the will because our dads have died. Does that not sound ridiculous? My brother is harsh bent about that but I think thats more resentment about my dad dying coming out. I'm not sure what I think about that. If it's true, my aunt's are cold people.

Anyway, I've written a novel. I hope my words have helped you out some.

[Captkaos]

there isn't really much I can add other than prayers from us a 73-87chevytrucks.  Hang in there, it will get better.  Just remember the good times.

[choptop]

SUX2BU99.........well said.....  All of it, especially "It is NOT goodbye, it's see you later"

[SUX2BU99]

Thanks, Chop.


On a side note, not to take away from Team's thread, but what I said about my aunt's when my grandmother passes.........my mom phoned me today. My grandmother passed away this morning.    How weird is that?

[choptop]

SUX2BU99, sorry to hear about your loss as well. You and your family are added in our prayers.

[team39763]

SUX2BU99, thanks for your words...I really like that see you later part.  I was just outside calling my dad's cell phone just to hear his voicemail message...I probably called about 20 times...I was feeling bad and missing him.  But what you said makes a  lot of sense and I truly know I will see him later.  Sorry about your grandmother.
  I asked about keeping some of my dad's clothes, but my brother(the one who hated my dad) decided that he's getting all the clothes. My brother is too snotty to wear used clothes, I don't know what he wants them for.  I'd actually wear my dad's clothes, I have been for the last few years.  I remember he gave me this one button up shirt.  When I was little, he used to wear it on weekends when he was cooking brownies and cookies to reward himself for sticking to his diet. LOL.  Now I wear it when I'm cooking for my wife and daughter.  Anyway, they ended up finding the will and my uncle is in control of everything, so I will most definately get what my dad intended for me to have.

[SUX2BU99]

Right on, man. Glad to hear it.  Hey, nothing wrong with wearing some of your pop's stuff. I have a jean jacket of my dads. One of those with the cordouroy collars. It's small on me but looks fine as long as I don't button it up  lol   I use it to wear it quite often. Wear his stuff proudly dude.

[team39763]

As if things weren't bad enough, now I'm having marriage problems.  I just found a note my wife wrote saying she loved some lawyer in another town.  This sucks.

[smitty77]

As if things weren't bad enough, now I'm having marriage problems.  I just found a note my wife wrote saying she loved some lawyer in another town.  This sucks.

Team, go take a vacation.  I don't know what else to say, I really feel for you brother.  For me, it would be a week backpacking in the mountains.  Some like a week at the beach.  Some guys here would bury their head under the hood for days.  Whatever you need to do to clear your head - do it!  You've been kicked enough, now it's time for some "you" time.

How could she do this to you at a time like this?  The only thing I can think of is the death of your dad has caused her to do some soul searching and she feels life is too short to keep going down the same path.  Either way, she needs to grow up.  This is just another example of someone putting themselves first at the expense of those that love them.

In a way, this is not a much different than your mom and brother talking smack about your late father.  But in the end, they will have to live with their actions while you can live comfortably with the knowledge that you and your dad parted ways on terms that were agreeable to the both of you.  It's tough knowing you'll never see him again, but the sharp pain eventually subsides to a dull ache.  You will always have more that you wanted to do or say, but that's why I try to live each day as if tomorrow might not come.  That's not to say I live with reckless abandon, but I try to do things now that I would regret not doing later on.  I try not to hold grudges, I'm true to who I am, and I don't let a whole lot keep me awake at night.

Life is too short to dwell on things you have no control over, and you'll save yourself a lot of heartache to remember this as the vultures circle during the reading of the will.  I've seen respectable people turn into greedy pieces of excrement when inheritance is involved, it's honorable folks like yourself who can say "Whatever, I got everything I needed from him when he was alive."  Kudos to you Team and keep your chin up.  I'm not religious by any means, but if you are then grab hold of your faith and don't let go.   You can get through this.

No matter how alone you feel, there are more people than you ever thought of that love you.  Team, the sun will shine on you again.  Believe in it.

[team39763]

I would love to take a vacation, but I just can't.  I love my wife and daughter and I can't sleep without them.  No matter what my wife does, it doesn't change the fact that I love her and considered her my best friend.  It just sucks that things like this are a habit of hers and she was raised this way.  Leaving isn't an option for me though.  I may have to go jump under the truck for a few hours though.
  Her story is that the note was just some "doodling" that she did while she was on the phone talking about the guy.  She said she didn't realize what she was writing and she didn't know that she wrote that.  I really don't care if it was an accident or not, I feel disrespected.  She did more of her "doodling" on her family's phone book on several pages for everybody to see.  The guy's name and hers are all over the book with hearts and stuff.  She did it about 15 times on one page, so I'd say she's pretty obsessed with the guy....I remember she used to write my name like that.
  I decided I'm not going to the reading of the will.  My uncle will do the right thing and see that I get what my dad wanted me to have.
  I really hope things do get better.  I guess all I can do from here is to look to the Lord for guidance and strength.

[JRConnieK10]

Man I don't really know the right thing to say. But keep a good head on your shoulders and keep looking to God for the answers. Someone told me once that "God won't put more on your plate than you can handle". But I think WOW how big a plate to I have to have sometimes.

[team39763]

Someone told me once that "God won't put more on your plate than you can handle". But I think WOW how big a plate to I have to have sometimes.

LOL...that made me laugh.  I feel the same way sometimes.  I think everything is ok now.  What matters to me is that she still loves me.  Besides me finding her "doodling", she's been pretty good to me lately.  So, I'm willing to get over it for now and concentrate on moving forward.

[Captkaos]

hang in there man!