As the settlers moved into the western United States.....
I was in an antique shop recently when I noticed a leather bound book with Time Life Books on the binding. It seems the book was about the westward human migration during the early 1800s.
As I read about the struggles of the Donner party, my mind drifted to a scene possibly suffered early on by those desperate, pioneering ladies, and gentlemen........
Our story focuses on Ralph, an assertive, strong willed, but aloof teamster from back east. And Ed, his constant companion. Ralph, familiar with horse teams, formerly drove a carriage on the streets of New York, while Ed kept that pearly city clean by keeping those streets free from the organic material released by Ralph's, and other's horses. Both have set out for California seeking both riches, and fame.
As they approach the eastern Rocky mountains, Ralph feels pride about his wise decision to buy the grand conestoga wagon that he rides in. Ralph feels Ed's equally flashy buck board wagon isn't the class of his conestoga due to it's cramped interior.
Ralph realizes Ed is capable of carrying more weight, at a faster pace because of the 4 oxen pulling his wagon, but Ralph has every reason to believe his 2 mules are more than up to the task.
As they start up the rocky slopes in western Colorado, Ralph hears a sickening crack, then feels his grand conestoga lurch to one side. In her slightly nasily nor eastern accented voice Alice, Ralph's wife queries....."Ralph, what was that?" Ralph doesn't speak, but instead climbs out of his heavily loaded wagon to find a broken wheel.
Seeing that Ralph is having trouble, Ed steers his wagon along side Ralph's, and begins to observe the scene. Ed begins to ask....."Ralphie my boy, are you having trouble?" Not wanting to acknowledge the obvious, and slightly irritated by Ed's question, Ralph ignores him. Ed continues, "you know Ralphie boy, you should have done like I did and bought your wagon from that young Frenchman Louie, back in Kansas City. Louie Chèvrealait was his name." "But no Ralphie boy, you had to listen to the crowd, and buy your wagon from that Dutch businessman, what's his name? Wasn't it um, Henri somebody, Henri Fordschmidt?"
Ed, not always able to realize at what point silence is golden, continues......"Ralphie, my boy, that grand conestoga cost you 6 steer hides, 10 pieces of silver, and a keg of rum......." "My little buck board cost 10 sacks of wheat, and 15 pieces of gold." "Now I know I paid more for my wagon, but right now Ralphie boy it looks like I got the better deal."
Ralph continues to ignore Ed. As Ralph ponders his predicament, a fellow settler in search of great fortune, Clem Kadiddlehopper approaches the pair. Clem is a slender, red haired guy that wears a patched, and tattered suit. As a crowd gathers to offer advice, and little more that could be of benefit to Ralph, Clem notices a large, male, big horned sheep standing perched upon a rock approximately 100 yards away.
Clem speaks. "Ye know, me met a man back in St Joe." "Walter P. something." "Claimed him, and the Dodge brothers had invented a saddle that you could use to ride that big ole ram".
Having remained silent far too long, Trixie, Ed's wife asks, "are we lost, I think we're lost." "Why didn't we stop and get directions from those redskins?" In her slightly nasily, nor eastern accented voice Alice adds "Yeah Ralph, and why couldn't we have taken the Oregon Trail?"
At this point Ralph's temper has reached a boil. He jumps up, makes a fist, shakes it at Alice, and breaks his silence by exclaiming "One of these days Alice, ONE OF THESE DAYS, POW! right in the kissa!"
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