Hey everyone i need your honest input on this

[80stepsideguy]

Everyone,
as of late my ol man has been really on my rear bout me spending my money and i need some helpful input.See they live with me due to finanicial reasons and we split our bills down the middle.He and i had a big fallout today bout the thing of course money.He said i should save everything i make and not spend money on this truck i am building.He thinks i am wasting my money.For the past 17 years he has been doing this to me nad i am tryingto get thru him that ia mgetting tired of him getting on me bout this and my mother tells him to lay off.He still doesnt listen and questions me why did i buy it and what did it cost.Well i have had enough n got all over him but how i make more than he does and how i am getting really tired of him.She (my mother) said i should apologize to him ,Itold her i refuse to apologize and i am tired of hearing this crap.I pay all my bills on time and put money away in my retirement funds and put money away each week.I am at the point where he thinks he rules me and my finances in my own life and home.Its to the point where i want nothing with him and dont need a lecture on what i should do.I know things in life today are not what they were like 15 years ago but still i need to have fun and i am at the point where i need to sneak around him to do so.What am i missing here guys? Please i need your help to tell him to lay off and leave me alone.

thanks
pat

p.s. sorry i am ranting but i got noone to turn to on this

[dumbucket1]

if its your house its your castle. Its none of his business what your spending and on what.

[Blazin]

Not sure how old he is, but you need to remember he is from a generation where things were much harder to come by. Plus you also need to remember he will not be around forever.

[red4wd]

Pat...this is tough and I wouldn't want to be going through it.  Just remember he is looking out for what he thinks is best for you.  He might not want you to end up in a situation like he is in right now.  Like Blazin said he won't be around forever and it would be a shame to not have a relationship with him over something as frivolous as money or a truck.

I could go tomorrow and get all the cool toys and buy whatever I want for my truck, but I like to have a reserve just in case something happens.  You really don't know when you might be unable to work and that might be the perspective your dad is coming from. 

[80stepsideguy]

I appreciate the replies, i understand he is old school and i am not old school, i dont smoke or do drugs or gamble.I am not in debt up to my eyeballs and so forth, i got a passion for classic cars and trucks and dont spend my entire paycheck on them.I put my priorities 1st and then these vehicles 2nd,I am sorry to you all if you feel uncomfortable on this subject i been battling with him since i was 17 on tihs and i cant take it much longer on this.Iknow he wont be around forever but you gotta realize sometime in life he has to just stop and let me be and let me be happy.I know my limits in life when to say enough is enough.F/E  the way fuel prices are going he complained bout paying for fuel in my 01 ram which he drove every day, well i put almost 4k into a everyday car  just for him so he can save money on fuel.I do what i can to make him happy and it seems its not enough.We hang out on weekends since i work nights and never get to se them(parents) and 1 day a week he hang out n this happens i dunno guys something has gotta give here or i am gonna go nuts.I threatened to sign everything over to them take what money i got in my account, take my clothes and the car i fixed for him and go back up north, that is how much i am almost ready to take this.

thanks
pat

[eventhorizon66]

It's true that you should have money set aside for hard times and you should take care of your high priorities first, because when you don't you enevitably become a burden on someone else.  But if you save everything you earn and never spend it on the things that make you happy, you reap no joy from your labor.  What's the point in earning a living to survive if your not living (loving) your life.  It's the whole "live to work" vs. "work to live" cliche and I have to favor the latter.  We don't live in an age where survival should be the best we can hope for.

Family and finance tend not to mix.  I'd just try to avoid/change the subject and try find some common ground with your pop.  I lost mine when I was a sullen rebellious teen and would give anything to have him around now that I'm a mature, well-adjusted adult.  LOL.

[Stewart G Griffin]

i may not know much about trucks, but i think i know something about psychology (and a little about finances).

1)Are you all living together due to financial difficulties on your parents part?  Due to difficulties on your part?  Or both?

2) When you say that you split all bills down the middle, could you explain in greater detail?  Whose name is on the title of the house?  Yes, i am being nosey, but you asked for an honest opinion.

[red4wd]

We don't live in an age where survival should be the best we can hope for.

It is not about survival it is about building wealth. 

[Lt.Del]

Pat,
print this thread out and let him read it.   What's the worst that can happen?  He'll see that there is a big issue.  Acknowledge that you know he does this because he cares about you.  But, as mentioned earlier, we all need our hobbies to get away from the other worries in life.

My wife knows i need my hobbies.  My job is quite stressful enough.  My hiking, campin', and bluegrassin', book collecting, and website creations, aren't cheap, but I need those things for my mental health.  And as you mention, it not like you are on drugs or throw it all away on cigs and alcohol.  Things could be much worse.

You both should listen to Montgomery Gentry's song, "something to be proud of"--read the lyrics, they are powerful

http://www.cmt.com/lyrics/montgomery-gentry/something-to-be-proud-of/6491424/lyrics.jhtml

[HAULIN IT]

Pat, I think EVERYONE has given you good sound advice. Maybe go read the "Honor your Dad" in this section & wake up tomorrow & try to start fresh & talk to him. Just my little bit of advice, Lorne   

[Robry 87]

My dad was doing the same thang  to me but he was stuck in his way's I just do what im going to do  and turn the other chech to him and tell him i'll be allright one day he's not going to be there to gripe at you.
 JUst smile and find something to change the subject i miss my dad a lot,and i hope you here me out it the little suff your going to miss!!

[80stepsideguy]

i may not know much about trucks, but i think i know something about psychology (and a little about finances).

1)Are you all living together due to financial difficulties on your parents part?  Due to difficulties on your part?  Or both?

My finanicial is in great shape it`s his thats in the downward spiral he lost his job in 2000 after 23 years with the comapny, i was 26 and helping him and mom with the bills like electric,phone,cable,heating, and on top of it all my bills i ma very meticulous of my credit and take alot of pride in keeping it great shape.I helped him get his motorcycle in 2003(brand new if i may add) ad just signed my name on the dotted line for thier new 2008 chrysler 300.

2) When you say that you split all bills down the middle, could you explain in greater detail?  Whose name is on the title of the house?  Yes, i am being nosey, but you asked for an honest opinion.

My name is on the title of the house everything is in my name the house the new 300 the 01 ram the cougar the car i rebuilt for him the motorcycle i sigfned for him(that he payed for but still coughed up 2k of my own cash for it) We split the bills down the middle, there finaniucial situation couldnt get them a loan for a home but my credit was perfect enough to help us get the loan and as well as refinance to get the 40x40 in the back yard.Truthfully he has no respect for me or my happiness i give him a roof to live under i give him cars to drive i give him motorcycles to ride and i am trying to make him happy and its not working.I know he gave me the biggest gift of all which is life but he judges about everything i do or say or the people i hang around. Again i am sorry folks for typing this i feel embarassed bringing my dirty laundry to this .

thanks
pat

[Lt.Del]

I here ya.  Maybe it is his way to keep some kind of self-identity--he's probably been giving advice (good or bad) all his life and he can't stop.

[86 chevy silverado]

It sounds like you have to find a way to establish some boundries without hurting his feelings. It seems like it is costing you some money to keep him happy and its obviously not working. You have an unwritten contract with the financial situation locking you out on any easy way out, your stuck with him. Draw the line, make conditions reminding him of his position. Its probably pretty hard for him to except living under your roof and having a lack of control after a life of being the head of the house hold. He's going to have to work it out otherwise you will end up hating each other. They say distance makes you closer, now you know why. I'm not close with my father, he used to act the same way and I could'nt wait to get away from him when I did (distance did not make us closer) and today I feel bad about it. Dont be me.

[Captkaos]

Since he has experienced loosing a job I would assume that he is scared that it will happen to you also.  And since he is in finacial difficulties now I would think he is in fear of you spending X amount on a vehicle and not be able to support his comfort level.  I would just talk to him and ask him what his concerns are.  Figure out what is really going on with him....